Today is the 12^th day since my brother’s passing. Two Fridays ago was the day he fell 3 storeys down from his room in college. He was 21 years old. Yesterday, I took a drive up to GIIC to collect my brother’s belongings. I walked around the premise and went to the site where he fell. It had been raining cats and dogs for the past two weeks. The weather was cold and damp. Pretty much like my feelings now. When I looked up at his room window, I wondered if he had flashbacks of his life flashed before him as he fell. I wondered if he had any time to think at all. I wondered if he felt pain. I wondered if the pain was so severe he passed out and felt nothing.

 

My brother’s demise shocked many. It’s ironic - that it takes death to teach us about living. He thoroughly enjoyed his course in college, with plans and dreams that will never be realised. 

Tian Leng in college

I’ve learnt that the people you care about in life are taken away too soon. 

I’ve learnt that when someone close to you dies, the world doesn’t stop to let you grieve. There are still bills to pay, cheques to clear, businesses to run, deadlines to meet and stocks to deliver.  

I’ve learnt that it takes death to realise the importance of people in your lives. 

I’ve learnt that no matter how strong, fit and healthy a person is, there is always a power greater than all your abilities combined.  

I’ve learnt that its the imperfections of a person that makes him beautiful. 

I’ve learnt that there are never too many “I love you’s” that one can say to a person because when it’s too late, the regrets will haunt you for the rest of your life.

I’ve learnt the meaning of planning ahead but living for today, because life is too short and unpredictable for us to take for granted that tomorrow will come.

I’ve learnt that when something bad happens, there will be a million and one “what if …. “ that could have been done to rectify the situation.  

I’ve learnt that death brings families closer together.

I’ve learnt that people like to talk about the dead. It is unfair how stories get twisted and the dead is not there to defend himself or tell his side of the story.

I’ve learnt … and politicians ought to learn from my brother and his friends, the true meaning of ‘brotherhood’. I don’t think that when I die, any of my friends will volunteer to be my coffin bearer. My brother had 10 friends who volunteered to be the coffin bearers during his final departure. I’ve never seen a scene more racial than this and brotherhood so strong that surpassed all religious taboos. That day, I didn’t see Indian, Chinese, Eurasian, Chindian, Sikh, Malay and Indonesian. That day, I saw brotherhood love.

I’m gonna sidetrack a lil’ here – I follow Malaysian politics closely, I read about them and make my judgments but I don’t comment openly about them because it’s not the purpose of my blog. I hardly read the papers these days. I think the PR reps in the ministries are having a hard time working overtime to spin tales of happily ever after. I read the papers and find more and more quotes on denials. I read the papers and I see no vision or direction. I read the papers and I think even the reporters have a hard time trying to comprehend what exactly politicians are trying to say in their speeches.  Providing us daily dose of entertainment with their bickering about nonsensical issues that are immaterial and politicians disillusioned by the myriads of awards that are created to disillusion the people with achievements that are meaningless. Speeches about equal opportunities with favoritism that benefit cronies. Hippocratic preaching about racial harmony and religious freedom, but unspoken regulations about religious boundaries and snide remarks rich in racial cynicism. 50 years of independence and we have yet to grow up. I think these morons we vote to lead the country ought to learn a lesson or two from my brother and his friends.

Just now I looked at my Facebook “10-second interview” application and pondered deeply on the question, “When they write my obituary, I hope they mention…”

…….

…….

I haven’t decided how I want to be remembered.

I’m happy that my brother lived his life to the fullest. But my heart still cries for all the things that he will miss in this lifetime.