I got a visit from Tian Leng. Don’t remember much of the beginning. Just the part where his handphone rang. It was a call from him saying that he was home.

I was upstairs, in my room. So, I quickly ran down the stairs and stopped midway. There he was, standing by the door with tears in his eyes.

“I’m home…” he said.

As I took slow steps down, he extended his arms and reached out to me.

“No, you can’t be real. I’m dreaming right? I’m still dreaming right?” I asked, and felt warm tears rolling down my cheeks.

He just gave me a weak smile.

I reached the bottom of the stairs and stood face to face with Tian Leng. He looked handsome. Healthy. No cuts or bruises or dilated pupils. Just ……. him. Just the way I remember him.

Then he held both my hands, leaned closer and gave me that trademark grin – raised eyebrows, big eyes and cheeky. Suddenly, he turned serious, looked directly into my eyes as if he was trying to say “listen to me”, frowned and squeezed my hands so hard I jolted up.

It was a dream. But the numbness was real. Both my hands were numb. Very numb. I had to sit up and shake my hands until I felt the prickles of blood gushing through the veins. Then I found myself crying. It was so real. He… was so real. I hardly remember my dreams. I always forget once I wake up. But this dream .. his frown, his voice, the warmth of his hands, the hard squeeze, the brotherly love in his eyes, it was just sooo real.

When he stayed with me during his internship, I told him about waking up with numbness in my hands. I went to see a GP. He took my blood pressure and told me that it was probably due to air-conditioning. Tian Leng advised me to see doctor again because numbness is usually related to heart disease. Second doctor said I’m too young to be getting heart disease and probability of female is even lower. Tian Leng then told me that I just needed to exercise. “damn fat la you. You just need to exercise and lose weight and get better blood circulation. Else later you get diabetes then you know!”

Did he come into my dream to warn me of troubles ahead? Or was it just a visual replay of my subconscious mind? Between the logics of science and the complexities of spiritual realm, which one is real? Nonetheless, I take solace in the former and the comforting thought that he’s looking down upon us, watching over us.

Maybe … just a message from him that he’s home. Has always been. Always will be.